Fried Zucchini

From: Things you don’t hear often (enough)

“Benny, stop tickling Oskar’s eyeballs!”

I had an Advent calendar for lunch today.

I finally had our disgusting car cleaned inside and out.

I now have to reorganise our lives so that we never use the car again.

Got me some quality “me time” yesterday!

I was the one to go get the groceries out of the car.

“OK, we’re finished eating! Good job! We’re good to go! Now let’s just quickly wipe your mouth. And your hands. And your t-shirt. And your trousers. And your hair. There’s some pasta on your back. Let’s just quickly clean the chair. And the table. Now let’s mop the floor and we’re ready to go!
Now we’ll put your sweater on. And your jacket. And thicker trousers. Hat, gloves, scarf and we’re on our way!
What? Are you taking a poo? Uh. Let’s just quickly change you… Taking your hat off, your gloves off, your jacket off…”

And repeat.

Molly’s been taking singing lessons for a couple of months now. She’s been practising one song over and over for a Christmas concert. She’s quite good at singing.

There’s a Talent Show organised at her school next week. She signed up to perform. She’s going to sing, right? That one song that she’s been practising for months, right?

No. She plans to play the guitar.

-But you can’t play the guitar, Molly! You only started learning and you never practice and you really, really suck at it.
-No, I don’t!
-Yes, you do. Why don’t you sing the song you already know?
-Because I don’t like being too good at things (What?! She’s not “too good” at anything!). I decided already, I’ll play the guitar.
-But what will you play? You don’t know any of the songs!
-I’ll write my own song. I already wrote a Christmas song called “Look how happy the others are”, but that one’s not very good. I’ll write a better one today.

Molly definitely won’t be “too good” at whatever that’s going to be and I’m very happy I won’t get to witness that shipwreck of her improvised performance.
On the other hand, I’m quite impressed that she doesn’t seem to care what others think. At. All. I’ll just pretend that the Talent Show doesn’t exist and we can all continue to live happily and anxiety-free ever after.

If your child never used your hair as a tissue, are you even a mother?!

-Molly, he’s crawling towards the stairs! Shut the baby gate! And always keep it shut, this is very dangerous!
-It would be even more dangerous if he was crawling towards a knife.

Molly is that annoying girl that always has to be right.

Would it be considered very bad parenting if someone had told her something like: “I’ll make YOU crawl towards a knife if you don’t start behaving better”? Asking for a friend.

When Oskar wakes up in the morning, shrieking of joy and excitement at the new day ahead, my first thought is: “Please let it be at least six o’clock.” My second thought is: “Please don’t let him wake the other two kids up.”

I’m not sure who I’m discussing this with in my head, but today s/he decided “Nope and nope. It’s 5:15 and say hello to your other kids”.

I sent Molly and Benny back to bed, but I knew it was hopeless. They “couldn’t sleep” because they “decided to sleep in Benny’s bed because it’s warmer (?) and Benny kept turning and licking his hands (?!)”.

I feel sorry for their teachers today. And I’m too tired to feel sorry for myself.

Holding a baby who’s simultaneously clingy and fidgety feels a lot like wrestling with a ten kilo tiger cub. We’ve been up every hour through the night and then wide awake since 5:15.
Oskar must be teething. Or gaining another skill. Or going through a growth spurt. Or something. Or nothing.
It’s a phase. It’s a phase. It’s just a phase.