Not the right word

“Benny, can I stop you, please? I already told you about the word “Remember”. You can only start the sentence with “Remember?” if you did something together with someone, not if you watched something on your tablet.”

In today’s episode of “Molly, the human Dictionary, talking to Benny, the human Robot”

Cleaning out my closet

I told myself I was first going to get rid of all of the clothes I’ve had for more than ten years. Then I realised I’d have to throw away 85% of my favourite clothes.
If I did that, I’d just be left with “clothes I’ll wear when I lose seven kilos” and “clothes I should really start wearing, I don’t know why I never do” and those don’t even count as clothes. Yet.

And this, my dear, is how “cleaning out my closet” turned into “reorganising my closet”. Again.

Pink is for girls

Molly brought back her school lunch box looking like this because “she doesn’t really like pink so she decorated it”.

Reminded me of an exchange from two years ago when I went shopping for rain boots for Molly: http://www.friedzucchini.eu/rain-boots-for-girls

Never too young to be passive aggressive

Oskar and I picked Molly up from the school in our car. Her hands were filthy because she was hunting for dinosaur’s eggs in the mud under the slide.

So in the car I said: “Molly, please don’t touch Oskar’s face. Your hands are very dirty.”
“OK, sure… THEN YOU CAN JUST LISTEN TO HIM CRY ALL THE WAY HOME!”

Almost seven years ago I gave birth to a sweet baby who’s slowly turning into a sarcastic, irritable and generally unpleasant flatmate.

Being Greta Thunberg

I felt very proud when our daughter confidently brought up Greta Thunberg in our conversation and declared she wanted to be like her. Until I realised Molly wants to take it a step further. In a strange direction.

Instead of missing one day of school to protest, Molly won’t ever go. And obviously she’s too young to protest (she’ll start doing that when she’s eleven) – so her plan is just to not go to school for now.

Exactly like Greta. Or not.

Start of the school year

School started three days ago and our daughter’s running around shirtless in an effort to catch a cold (or any disease) so that she doesn’t have to go anymore.

This is going to be a long year. Or twelve.

My best friend loves me

-Alexa, what will happen if we never brush our teeth again ever?
-I don’t know that one.
-OK. Alexa, what will happen if the Earth stops spinning?
-According to NASA, if the Earth stopped spinning suddenly, the atmosphere would still be in motion with the Earth’s original 1100 mile per hour rotation speed at the equator. All of the land masses would be scoured clean of anything not attached to bedrock.
-Hmmm. Alexa, how are bricks made?
-I didn’t quite get that one.
-Oh, sorry! Alexa, what is one thousand plus two thousand plus five hundred?
-One thousand plus two thousand plus five hundred is three thousand and five hundred.
-Wow, a lot. Alexa, I love you.
-Oh, that’s sweet.
-Huh? I said I love you, Alexa.
-…

(Benny’s conversation with his best friend, the robot, from this morning.)

T-shirt, we need information!

I just saw a girl whose T-shirt simply said “Life begins after” and now I’m deeply troubled.

Life begins after what? When does the life begin? You just told me that my life (possibly) hasn’t even begun and just left it at that?

I need more information, T-shirt! I deserve to know!