To catch the tooth fairy

Molly and her seven-year-old friend had a serious issue to discuss: “What does the tooth fairy do with the teeth she collects?”

They came up with various ideas:

  • The tooth fairy eats the teeth.
  • She builds a house made of teeth.
  • She makes teeth necklaces.
  • She squashes the teeth down to make money.

Then the realisation hit them: “The tooth fairy must be really rich if she can bring money to every kid in the world who loses a tooth!”

Soon, a plan emerged. They’ll make a fake tooth out of playdough, they’ll pull the blinds down and pretend to be asleep. When the tooth fairy arrives they’ll catch her and… steal her money to buy sweets and toys!

In preparation for the hunt, they started building a house (out of random trash) where the tooth fairy can live (after they rob her). Their enthusiasm didn’t last too long, though. When Molly pointed out that the toothfairy can’t possibly work on her own, they gave up.

“There’s too many teeth in the world so she must have henchmen! We’d have to build beds for all of her hundred henchmen!” I guess that was too much work for too many henchmen (How did my child learn that word?).

When her friend left, Molly came up with another cunning plan. She wrote a letter to the tooth fairy with one kuna (Croatian money) coin inside, suggesting that the tooth fairy leaves her five in return.

It was so disappointing when she woke up this morning to find out that her letter wasn’t even read! The tooth fairy’s not stupid, she only comes for the teeth.

[This is Molly’s letter to the toothfairy. It’s written in Croatian, with lots of mistakes. (In her defence, Molly doesn’t go to school yet. She taught herself how to write and she’s not a very good or patient teacher.)

Dačutijenukunuamožešmenidatpetkukunu (Dat ću ti jednu kunu, a možeš meni dati pet kuna = I’ll give you one kuna and you can give me five.)]

Luckily, Molly’s tooth’s really wobbly today. I have no doubt she’ll forcefully pull it out by the end of the day, so she’ll have a real bait soon (needless to say, the fake playdough tooth didn’t trick the smart tooth fairy either).

If Molly manages to catch the tooth fairy tonight, she’ll be so rich I’ll never have to buy her any sweets or toys ever.

Or she might sleep through the tooth fairy’s visit so she’ll only receive five kuna in exchange for her tooth. We’ll see. It could go either way.

Is life better in flip flops?

I went for a walk this morning. 

There was a woman walking down the street, towards me, wearing a green T-shirt with white writing at the front. It took me a while to figure out what her T-shirt said because they used an unnecessarily complicated font. I must have stared at her chest for a bit too long because, when I looked up, she smiled at me shyly and she seemed quite uncomfortable.

The T-shirt read: “Life is better in flip flops”.

She was actually wearing flip flops and I was in my red tennis shoes, which made me question her quality of life in comparison to mine.  I smiled back.

There are two ways to look at it. On the one hand, her life must be better than mine because her T-shirt claims that “life is better in flip flops”. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure the woman was regretting her choice of footwear and was thinking about how much her life sucked at that moment. 

Because life is not better in flip flops when it’s cold and raining outside. Like today. 

What the hell, baby?!

(Spoiler alert: The true story you’re about to read contains a lot of poo and pee.)

Once upon a time, there was a married couple who went camping with their three children. On one of the mornings, pretty much like any other morning, the mother grabbed a cover, some wet wipes and a nappy in order to change their baby boy. Since the space in the campervan was limited, she always changed the boy on their bed. 

Her experienced nose could already tell that there was some poo in his nappy. Opening the nappy confirmed her suspicion. Not only was there poo inside, there was an unbelievable amount of poo. 

“Ooooh, baby!” cried the mother trying to wipe him clean. “What have you done? This is a horrific amount of poo!” Little did she know what horrors were yet to come.

Just as she was opening a clean nappy, more poo started coming out of the tiny human. She watched in shock as the liquidy poo spilled over the cover. 

“It was lucky I put this cover down first,” the mother thought. She cleaned the baby again and pulled out the soiled cover from underneath him, so that she could put a clean nappy on. 

At that exact moment, the baby started pooing again. This time, there was no cover underneath him, just a white sheet, which was now white no more. 

“Nooooo, baby!” screamed the mother. “That’s horrible!” 

As she struggled to move the baby to the other side of the bed without getting the rest of the sheet, the baby or herself covered in poo, she felt something warm on her leg. “What is this?” she jumped, surprised. 

What it was, was the baby peeing on the sheet, the bed, the mother and on himself. 

“Noooo!” the desperate mother screamed again. 

She wiped the baby yet again, about to put the clean nappy on, before taking the baby for a shower. 

She wasn’t quick enough, though. The baby was going for it again, peeing all over the place, and the mother found herself instinctively and unsuccessfully trying to stop the stream with some wet wipes. It only ended up with pee on her hands. 

The mother looked at the baby, depleted. Surrounded by a poopy nappy, poopy cover, poopy wet wipes and a poopy sheet (which also had pee on it now), the baby was lying there, smiling happily, kicking his chubby little legs, glistening with pee. 

The mother looked at the mayhem around her, at her own pee-covered legs and hands, and then back at her angel and said: “What the hell, baby? Not cool! Not cool at all.” 

But she was sure that the baby thought it was at least a little bit cool. 

The end. 

Meeting new people

The lady who cleans the toilets at our campsite surprised me when she recognised me as Molly’s mum. Apparently, we look the same.

I was even more surprised by the fact that the cleaning lady knew Molly’s name. Although, thinking about it and knowing my child, I really shouldn’t have been surprised.

As Molly simply put it: “I really like meeting new people.”

(Photo by Jay from two days ago. Wonderful blue skies at the moment, but that makes for a less dramatic photo.)

Always fun

Benny was gloating over winning at a game of cards until Molly declared the winner was the one who was having more fun.
Now they’re arguing about who’s having more fun.