Winning at Ludo

We were playing Ludo and I was winning for a change.
Then both kids got bored and decided to stop playing. I shouted (maybe over-?) excitedly: “Woohoo! Cool, I win!”
To which Molly replied, in a monotonous voice: “You won. Congratulations.”
And Benny added: “Yes. Congratulations.”

What a way to kill my vibe, kids. I got bored ages ago, I just pretended for your sake! I double win! Screw you. NOW TIDY UP!

Clearing The Table After Lunch

Clearing the table after lunch with no kids:

-throw the trash in the bin
-put the leftover food in the fridge
-stack the dirty dishes in the dishwasher

Clearing the table after lunch with kids:

-throw the trash in the bin
-take the scissors out of your toddler’s hand
-ask your son to show you his Lego sculpture a bit later
-tell you daughter she’s allowed to use the hot glue gun

-put the leftover food in the fridge
-separate your son and daughter who are fighting over the hot glue gun
-put the trash your toddler’s taken out of the bin back into the bin
-give your son a shower because he’s poured black slime all over his head
-give your toddler a shower because he’s pooed
-give your daughter a shower because she has hot glue all over her hands and you’re already at it anyway

-take some of the leftover food out of the fridge to feed your toddler. He’s suddenly hungry again
-try to convince your toddler to eat. He’s suddenly not hungry again
-answer the phone
-it’s your kids calling from the other room and they want you to tell them who can use the hot glue gun

-start taking the dirty dishes to the kitchen
-put the trash your toddler’s taken out of the bin back into the bin
-separate the kids who are fighting over your son’s Lego set
-take the toys your toddler’s thrown into the bin out of the bin
-admire your son’s Lego sculpture
-calm your daughter down. She’s upset because you only praise her brother
-praise the necklace she’s made out of the hot glue
-calm your son down. He’s upset because he doesn’t know why he’s upset so stop asking him that
-put the trash your toddler’s taken out of the bin back into the bin

-leave all the dishes on the work surface
-take your kids to the park

I Don’t Know What I Want

Oskar really wants me to lift him into his highchair, Oskar really doesn’t want me to lift him into his highchair.

He wants in! Nope, he doesn’t.
He wants in! Out!
Up! Down!
He complains when I try to lift him, complains when I put him down.

Here we go again. Bracing myself for years of irrational request and little nervous breakdowns ahead. My own fault for wanting another child.

I’ll Tell You What I Think

“What is this?” Molly asks me with a disgusted look on her face as I’m trying my new dress on. “You don’t like it?”
“No. You look like that woman who goes and prays to God. It also makes your legs look fat.”

I’m sending that dress right back. I don’t want to look like “that woman”. Plus, I predict Molly a great career as a critic. Of anything and everything.

I Can Wait

-Your turn to choose a song, mama!
-Usually I’d choose something I think you might like, but would you like to hear what music I’d listen to if you weren’t in the car?
-Ok. Or we can listen to “Time to be Awesome” from “My Little Pony”.

Sure. The National can wait. My needs can wait. Ponies win.

I Won’t Meet New People

-Benny, when I’m a grown-up and you’re a grown-up and Oskar too and mama and dada die, can I have the campervan?
-We can both have it, Molly! Together.
-We can’t, Benny. Because we’ll be married to other people. You’ll have to meet someone new and get married.
-I’ll marry one of mama’s friends and then I won’t have to meet anyone new.

Heads up, friends – one of you’s Benny’s potential love interest. More out of practical than romantic reasons, though.
(Unfortunately, Molly and her future partner get the campervan after I die.)